Falling in Crush

Twelve years ago I had my first love story.

Now do not go back and try to determine my age. A lot of things have changed since then but a few things remain unchanged.

That was the very first year of high school and the classes were reshuffled. There were classmates from my older classes but most of them were new.

I was then a timid shy young fellow. I had a fierce interest in Gandhian principles, I loved to read books and make new friends and ask a lot of questions.

Classes began early and ended late. And then it happened, the onset of puberty. Until then girls and boys sat together and shared their lunch dabbas, good handwritten notes and not to mention we had no problems with each other.

It all changed instantly and I as usual was very late in adopting to it.

Classes were always interesting, Chemistry Biology, trigonometry and what not. Also interesting was this particular person of interest. She was just like anyone else to the common observer. But to me she sent the first thrills of an infatuation.

She was tall, not too tall, fair complexioned, average in studies, had long hands and even longer nails.A nose that flared every time she laughed and she always polished her shoe. A voice that always drove me crazy.

All in all i had "Fallen in Crush with her".

It became more acute this need to look at her during class and talk to her and hear her voice again.
And with a lot of effort the place next to her was secured. It was a small chair that had been placed adjacent to her.
The class had a large attendance and this make shift stream of chairs served as a perfect way to get to know her.

And the first tests came, our scores were all the same but in that doldrums of trying to figure out who got the better score a few names stood out and I was not one of them.

And each day the closeness with her grew, exchanging notes, dabbas that we got for lunch , scale eraser and what not.

Without any help the seeds of romance had grown. But the hurricane was yet to come.

We enjoyed each others company, it was a thrilling phase, we both used to come early and chat about things, I'd help her with the last day's home work.

Little did I know that this breeze of romance would eventually turn out to be a hurricane in my life.

Others in our class had already begun gossiping amongst themselves and started to call us as one. Although l liked this I did not want this to hamper this lovely friendship.

It was over a Truth or dare session that things went horribly wrong.
And among three women caught in a fire, if I had to kill someone, save one and marry the other, three options and I chose her name to marry.

And this brought a shift in the way she conducted herself in the next few weeks.

And my scores hit rock bottom.
The exams in the half yearly were a disaster.

And this distance she maintained rubbed salt to injury. There was a new player in town who had set his eyes upon her.

Our friendship was never really the same thereafter. The corner seat was gone taken away by swift politics.

I was playing the catching up game now, she never waved at me when i waved a hi. She dare not smile at my jokes.

I was obsessed now to win her back. Damn those bloody movies that came during that time. The hero always got his lady in the end. I tried every trick in the trade to win her trust back.

And then exams came.

I had "Fallen in Exams "

The next year of schooling had brought its own brand of experiences to cherish and learn by.

There was a huge fight amongst us two.

The seating arrangement was gone. A new class, heavier bag and a heavy heart.

This Falling in love thing was not something i could discuss in the dinner table.

The distance kept on growing, i wanted to tell her sorry. I did not know why but i wanted to tell her the same.

I did say that to her.
And she relented a little, but then she already had another band of followers wooing her.

And my cracked bridge of friendship had one nail in the coffin left to be punched.

There was a trip that the school organised , and she had an ipod, and the songs were of the latest hindi film hit. I sung along to the same tone having secured a place just behind her.

I think thinking back twelve years ago. I acted like a fool then. I did not ever consider her side of the story. And I did not even know then the difference between being interested and being obsessed.

I did everything in the book that could tick me off in her mind.

Now back to the story.
When things had become increasingly tense between us , I made another blunder.

There was a huge fight. The pride of lions on her side and only one friend on my side.

Things were never the same again.

I had "Failed in Crush".

It was here I learnt my first lessons of the real world.

Even now, twelve years down the lane I regret to being the person I was then.

Now, If I had met her in this stage of my life, we could have had a very long lasting friendship.